Question: What should I name my baby?

Names for humans generally need to meet three criteria:

1) Uniqueness -- The whole point of names is to allow each of us to be identified uniquely.  In fact, in a perfectly designed world, each person would have a unique name, and since we often go just by our first name, those would be unique too.

Don't make the mistake my parents did and give your kids the most common name they could think of.  All through school there were always several Mikes in my class.  Even at my last job, I'd routinely sit in on teleconferences where 3 out of the 5 people were named Mike.  That's namefail.  Annoying for me and annoying for people trying to communicate with some subset of the Mikes.

Now, I'm not demanding that you use a naming scheme based on the exact time and location of your your child's birth (although you'd have my eternal admiration if you did), but for god sakes, at least consult a list of the current most popular names and DON'T choose a name from there.

2) Usability -- People are going to be pronouncing, reading, and writing this name for your entire child's life (and maybe longer).  Make it easy to say and spell.  Yes, you could spell "Michael" as "Micheal" or "Mykul" or "qMqiqcqhqaqeqlq" (the Qs are silent!), but don't.  If you're picking a known name, use the known spelling.  If you're picking an unknown name, make it pronounceable and easy to spell.  People are stupid and will mess up your child's name for your entire child's life unless you make it simple for them.

3) Mockery Imperviousness -- At some level all names are mockable.  Yes, yes, Michael sort of rhymes with bicycle.  Big whoop.  What you're really trying to avoid are the obvious blunders. 

I'm sure your grandpa Dick was an awesome guy, and you loved your great aunt Vaginapie, but you can't use those names.   For the love of god, at least plug your potential names into a rhyming dictionary and make sure that you don't choose a name like "Tucker" or "Jasshole".

Remember, your kid has to live with this name, and ideally the name won't prevent your kid from living a long life.