Question: How do new parents find the time and energy for sex?

This question comes from fellow-blogger Candid Engineer. 

What is this "sex" you speak of?  It sounds familiar but, I can't quite place it.

Oh, ho ho, did you see what I did there?  I answered her question by implying that for parents like me, it's been so damn long since I had sex, that I don't even remember what it is.  Good one, Mike!

Let's cover this in more detail.  Sex for new parents has several factors going against it.  First, there's the general rule that frequency of sex in any relationship is rumored to go down over time in a standard decay function that looks something like this.

So, assuming that you're not popping out that kid in the early months of your relationship, you're probably already on the right-hand side of that graph.   Additionally, the excellent and smooth Twizzler-based decay curve doesn't take into account being exhausted from the ever-crying and never-sleeping of a newborn baby.  Hell, even if your kid does spend some rare time asleep, and you're improbably energetic and horny, maybe the last thing you want to do is have loud bangy sex.  Let's just go ahead and lop some of that delicious Twizzler off of those right-hand lines there.

There ain't much Twizzler sex left now, is there?

So, Candid Engineer, the answer is that they don't.  Your mileage may vary.