Question: What do I need to have ready at home on Day One?

Here are the must-have items that you need in your house in order to start caring for a newborn baby:

1) Infant diapers -- When your baby is born it knows how to do 3 things:  Breath, cry, and crap.  The first two don't require supplies, but the third requires pretty much everything you can throw at it.  If you also have wet-wipes and a hazmat suit, then that's awesome, but you can get pretty far with diapers and whatever clothy-wipey thing you can find in the garage.

2) Infant clothing (onesies) -- Did I mention that babies crap a lot?  Jesus.  They are adorable little crapping crying machines.  Plus, they spew liquid from every other orifice they have.  They spit up, get gooey eyes, pee like geysers, and crap and crap and crap.  The downside of all this delightful crapping that your precious baby will be doing is that they're going to cover themselves (and you) in crap every chance they get.  Have plenty of outfits ready.

3) Access to Google -- Every time your baby goes too many or too few seconds between poops, you are going to freak out and want to google things like "baby poop intervals" and "baby prostate cancer".  Easy access to Google (and blogs like this one) will enable you to quickly validate your worst fears.

4) Booze -- Parenting is a special gift, kind of like a root canal is a special gift.   Your first few months will be terrifying, filled with sleepless nights, feelings of inadequacy, and murderous rage.  Alcohol is the best complement to this situation.

People are going to tell you that you need a lot more stuff.  They'll list items like strollers, bassinets, and rectal thermometers.   You'll probably want these items at some point, but if you don't have them when your baby arrives, don't sweat it. Your baby will hate these things.